Nasty-Ass consultation

• The couple arrive.
• They don't look you in the eye.
• Before you can begin your spiel they start talking about this and that.
• He is yawning.
• She still won't make eye contact.
• She looks like a horse.
• You begin to try and answer a question.
• Mid sentence, you get interrupted.
• That happens numerous times.
• They ask a completely unrelated question.
• Moments later they say how you haven't answered the last question.
• You try to do that.
• He says something unrelated once again.
• She responds to him.
• They go into their own mini conversation.
• They finally remember you are in the room, look back at you and you start to answer.
• They cut you off with another random question.
• They inform you how organized they are.
• The notes are written on a crumbled sheet of paper.
• Your blood pressure rises.
• They start talking about photos.
• They infer that there are special people they want photos taken of.
• They do not want groups, just want me aware of who is who.
• 'How will you know them?" they question.
• You briefly consider making a joke about learning telepathy before their wedding day but bite your tongue.
• They tell you how they "...don't want many formals but HIS side of the family is huge and they will need a photo of all of them."
• "OH - and we will need multiple groups on my side as well."
• But they do not want many formals, you see.
• They ask if you can get all the formals completed in 30 minutes so they can attend their cocktail hour.
• You tell them they are fucking bat-shit crazy.
• They once again proclaim their love for their butthole venue, then mention how "the view is not that great and there seems to be no where to take nice photos."
• Yet they adore their venue.
• Super fantastic, you think. A picture-perfect perfection.
• The venue is under construction.
• There is mud all around.
• She is worried.
• Yet they ADORE their venue.
• They wonder how you will handle that.
• You try to answer, they briefly smile politely and then suddenly ask about albums.
• They suggest they can do their own on Shutterfly.
• They disagree as to which parent will want what type of album.
• This goes on and on for an hour.
• He yawns even wider and she starts looking more like My not-so-Pretty Pony.
• You are hating them.
• No-REALLY: you hate them.
• You want them out of your studio.
• You hope their 'perfect' venue burns down.
• You hope she slips on aforementioned mud and breaks her boney-ass horse hip the morning of the wedding.
• being an equine, she then then need to be shot.
• You hope he cheats on her and brings the pregnant girlfriend to the wedding the day of and ruins everything.
• You really, really, really really hope they would die, right here- right now in front of you.
• Just keel over dead so you could bury them in the back yard, as no one would miss these 2 fucking pests.
• another super-duper day at the office.