It's another stunningly perfect day here at My Special Fucking Day: America's favorist wedding bloggity that oozes with more creamy wedding goodness than a discarded condom on a gay porn set.
Us dopey chicks are sitting around here at the office, with our fingers jammed up our cooters, simply amazed and overwhelmed at all the submissions get each day. We are so blessed. We thank each and EVERY one of you for submitting, and SOOOOOOOO wish we could accept every SINGLE photo you send on. We TRULY mean that. But as you all know far too well, we only want to repeat the same type of images repeatedly, since most of our blog readers have no fucking clue and take everything we show them as wedding gospel. One day we might be interested in all-things Ochre & Rust. Or perhaps pretty, happy balloons with Rococo striped hand-twisted paper straw handles. Maybe Tuesday it'll be glittery slipperettes that entice us...and Wednesday it may well be miniature hollowed-out pumpkins coated in chocolate attached to adorable kittens. Regardless, we will feature only what makes us moist, and then forget it all in 2 days.
Which is why today we are SOOO amazingly HONORED and blessed to share Lilac and Earl's once-in-a-lifetime completely unique 1940's-homespun-vintage-instagram-lumberjack-circus themed wedding. We have never seen a wedding so pretty or a couple so happy. We just wet our collective UGGS a little thinking about it...
This stylish pair met in Brooklyn while Lilac was working at her exclusive boutique selling moss-encrusted pot-holders. Earl at the time was an assistant to NYC's top Circus promoter before moving on to a lucrative position as owner of a one-man-band. "We wanted to have this wedding really say who we ARE," commented Earl, "..so we decided to go with our 1940's-homespun-vintage-instagram-lumberjack-circus concept. We now it's been done, but it's really US!"
To compliment the dreamy Lumberjack/Circus theme, this cutting edge couple brought in top NYC wedding designer Rosa Megablatt. Rosa initiated an enticing color palette of milky beige, snappy tangerines and shit browns. "Since we had 2 live elephants for the evening serving drinks, we wanted the colors to reflect what the guests would be walking through all night on the ground. Those fuckers shit a LOT!" she comically muses in her thick Yiddish accent while stifling her giggles with an ironic hand-embroidered kerchief from a Nazi Death Camp.
"I am really excited for this wedding night," proclaims Earl wearing a vintage green and persimmon bow tie and top hat from the year 1659 and suit made entirely of Hemp with crafted buttons made of vintage twine, "... Lilac told me she might let me fuck her in the butthole! I am so blessed." Lilac overhears Earl and delivers a demure smile, "...You SEE?! I TOLD you: I am the luckiest girl in the world!" she says sitting on her antique hand-carved acrylic Greco-Roman ivy-covered throne. "Why, i'm not even wearing underwear!" Her 29 bridesmaids all chuckle in delight and hilarious abandon at how perfectly silly their panty-less friend is.
Miss Megablatt smartly incorporated miles and miles and miles and miles (literally, there were about 25 miles) of stunning, sustainably-harvested burlap from Lilac Fathers Idaho Burlap farm (www.burlap-smells-funny.com), and more mason jars than at a back-alley basement abortion clinic. Overhead hung twinkling candles, actually held aloft by hovering dwarfs wearing futuristic jet-packs covered in lime-green chiffon and organza ribbons. The tables were wrapped in pale rose sequined tule, making eating impossible: but not to worry, as Rosa brought in 25 underage children from Haiti to hand feed the guests. How comical they were, dressed as various circus nymphs and side-show attractions!
Some of the breathtaking food included a molten cotton candy volcano station, French-Style whipped clams and peanut butter served in hand-knitted woolen pouches and a bubble gum and vodka mashed potato-bar. While the men enjoyed cigars and an indoor shooting range with live Elk, Female guests were treated to individual elegant engraved vibrators... in the wedding colors of course! The list of adorable details simply goes on and on.
