Can you replicate another's work for less, please advise.

I understand price shopping - I really do. Not everybody can afford the Special Fucking Wedding of their dreams with the economy the way it is. But there are still ways to go about that without being an asshole. 

Take Subject X for example. This bitch emailed nearly 3 months ago, ending her first email with the dreaded 'Please Advise." That saying, regardless of how it may be utilized in the business world, is a big giant Fuck You from the get go. Even Urban Dictionary agrees! Only inhabitants from the Planet Passive Aggressive use that expression freely. It's downright cunty.

Our troubles began with this sentence from her email:

On your site it says that the packages do not include hotel/ parking. How to you determine if there is an extra charge for hotel? I will be getting married in Patterson, NY. Please advise.

I basically emailed back and said in so many words, "Don't you fucking know whether or not you're venue has free or paid parking, bimbo?" It's not that hard! Country Club: free lot. Hotel downtown: probably paid. Telling me the town your wedding is in does not automatically indicate parking fees. Realizing now that I was dealing with a Brain Surgeon, the fun continued.


Later, Subject X says: "Thanks! There are not any parking fees at our venue. Could you please also send me some pictures from weddings that your associate photographers did? Would like to get a sense of their style. Please advise."

AH - So now she's not intersted in me (which is fine) but needs to see specific examples. Let me add that this location has some nice water and beach nearby - it's very pretty. Yet during our initial phone chat she wanted none of that when i suggested photos by the water- as if sand would melt her like the Wicked Witch. "Green!!" she proclaimed--"I want it to see GREEN trees!! Please advise."

After she received the additional set of photos we had to hunt for, we were to never hear from her again, and we marked that lead as 'dead' as her uninviting Hoo-Hoo.

Until today.

Subject X E-mails once again, this time suggesting we "...Discount our price by $1000 because her wedding is only 5 months away" Really? Is that how it works? Please advise. News to me. Maybe if I need to buy a house in 2 months I can get a REALLY good deal, huh? 

Simultaneous to this, I see on a popular social media site a photographer out of Boston asking if anyone is available (because she is not)  FOR THIS SAME DATE AND VENUE. Launching into investigative mode, I contact this photographer asking by name if its Subject X, who it is. She too has been strung along for 6+ weeks by her. But it gets even juicier - Subject X not only has never gotten back to this photographer, but initially sent her a link TO MY PHOTOGRAPHS asking is she could 'replicate' them, apparently for a lower price. She said as well, "...I really love ALL the photos in the link attached." So she LOVES them all, but not enough to hire me. I am just loving this chick more and more. Please advise.


But you know, that's just not fucking cool.  Using someones work as a reference for shots you are fond of might be one thing (still not a great idea) but wanting them downright copied is just wrong. What she fails to realize is that it's a pretty small wedding-world, and lot of us know each other and talk. So if you're going to pull that shit - keep it on the down-low. 
That's my 'ADVISE' for you.

my wedding is weatherproof

Although I’ve seen it before and shouldn’t be surprised, this fucking ‘Nemo’ Disney motherfucking snowstorm has brought out Bridal Crazy to a new degree. Brides who think – even though it’s one of the ‘worst snow storms in history’, that their special fucking day deserves to go on. The same thing happened with Hurricane Sandy and whatever the previous fucking Hurricane was called. I recall photographers driving THROUGH DOWNED POWER LINES (I’m not kidding) in order to get to some shitball venue for some selfish brides fucking shitball wedding.

Who thinks this way? What self-centered planet do these cunts come from that they put their vendor, and guests well-being at risk, so they can stand around in their stupid $899.95 wedding dress serving shitty, rubbery chicken products? How Special they are--How dare they!

And with Nemo we’re at it again; assholes who – despite HALF their guests not making it – still insisting the Show Must Go On. I read online about brides not having makeup people show, DJ’s bailing and half the crowd not making it. Really? And you're surprised, you fucking tool? There’s 3 feet of snow outside, you cunty douche.

And for what?

So the photographer whose life you put in danger can take photos of all of your stupid, ‘unique details’ you copied off of fucking Pinterest. You know the ones: the same details she photographed at the last 12 weddings in a row.

To get photos of all the crap you bought off ETSY – no doubt a dress hanger with your new last name twisted in some scrap metal. What happens to those fucking hangers afterwards any? I’m betting Honeymoon night emergency bathroom abortions in Aruba– but I digress….

So people can gawk and wish you fake compliments about how unique that cheapo dress you skimped on looks on you, and how they really 'didn't notice' your Pillsbury biscuit backfat?

To make them endure a 60 minute mass that no one will recall the moment they leave?

To force them to sit and ‘enjoy’ your reception as they worry about the condition of their homes you forced them to leave?

How excited they are to get a 99 cent picture frame from Christmas Tree Shops as a ‘gift’!

It’s rude and thoughtless. And by the way – when your ETSY abortion goes bad, don’t call me. 

I’m certain I’ll be busy…..