stop selling me your shit

You know what I mean - you open a photography magazine and whats it filled with (other than ads)? Photographers selling you their fucking shit. Seminars. DVD'S. Online training. Actions. Presets. Web templates. Weekend Getaways. Light diffusers. Textures. Training. Plug-ins. Whale Tails and Ding Dongs. E-Books etc etc etc ad nauseam.

I get it, OK! You wanna make a buck. And I am equally guilty for giving in now and then. I have bought my share of STUFF - some of it cool, much of it not.

How does anyone have time to shoot anymore? REMEMBER that? The camera and that passion? Shooting cool stuff with no hidden agenda? Rather than: "I'll shoot this only because this blog likes that kind of work, and that blog is smokin' hot right now, and if I get in there i'll get published here or there - after which so-and-so will see it and ask me to give a talk with them, and i'll get invited to L.A. and then i'll get to work with this florist who fucks that planner who knows that MAGAZINE PUBLISHER!!!! - Genius! Then I can stoop shooting, charge $10,000 an appearance and talk for the rest of my life about my 10 winning photos I took 15 years ago, that I can show over and over and over and over and over which no one will call me out on because at this point: I'M ME!!! And ME is a virtual rockstar."

You think the famed photographers who paved the way for each and every one of us were busy dreaming up crap to sell the rest of their peers? Did Richard Avedon have his mug plastered on the side of a bus sponsored by Kodak. Think Ansel was siting on Half Dome concocting a week long seminar on how to reproduce images EXACTLY LIKE HIS?

Nope.

Listen - just cool it a little. Lets try to get back to basics and don't forget about The Work. I wonder if potential couples have any idea of the constant barrage of shit we're fed with each new magazine/blog/trade show? It's headache inducing. It's depressing. It's upsetting.

A gimmick can only last so long - and people are fickle. Solid work will with outlast all of the B.S. Do your thing the best you know how, and don't worry so much about being the Next Big Thing. If it's supposed to happen---then it'll happen.

The last thing I need is another DVD telling me how wrong i've been doing everything.

Incidentally this rant is available as an Mp3 download, DVD seminar or paperback for $19.95 each , plus shipping.

i need my images yesterday

it's been a long time coming. creeping slowly...insidious. Once Upon A Time - you dragged your ass to the lab, plopped down your film, crossed your fingers, hoped the kid processing it getting paid $8.50 an hour was paying attention and used DEVELOPER rather than FIXER, and that the lights were kept off. Then it was prints or a contact sheet which had to be mailed, which meant properly sized envelopes, cardboard and a trip back to the post-ofice to have it weighed.

all that has changed, but is it for the best?

It is a good thing when you shoot a wedding on a Saturday and then in SUNDAY you have relatives emailing you for passwords...wondering where on earth the photos are. How could you delay things so outrageously? Don't you know how important each and every image is that they need to see it the next day? ...matter of fact - how about you make them appear even before you shoot the fuckers?

I mean-- come on people; I know you're excited but give us a break. I recently received an email suggesting that perhaps there was something wrong with the images from a family shoot---because 3 days passed without their seeing anything!!!!! Really? 3 days - 2 of which were the weekend.

I simply don't know what else to do to make people happy....

look at the fucking camera

SO try and tell me this hasn't happened to you: you are ready to shoot a group shot ---say 8 maybe 12 people---perhaps more.

You give everybody a count; a polite heads up: "OK! everybody READY!? HERE WE FUCKING GO..."

1---2---THREE!!!

click,click,click

And what do you get? The brides eyes are closed. The bridesmaid is checking out if the bar has started serving. The best man is checking out the bridesmaids tits. The grooms mother is watching guests disappointed at the shitty hors d'oeuvres selection. The groom is staring off blankly into the horizon of his doom.

And I Goddamn invisible people? Have any of you loser ever BEEN in front of a camera before? Are you 5 years old? How difficult can it really be, for a 125th of a second to not blink, open your piehole, turn your head sideways or make a stupid face? Is this photography thing brand new...it only started in the 1820's. Get on board, people.