The Neverending Christmas

This has nothing at all to do with matrimony, but read along and feel my pain.

I LOVE Christmas. I really get into it, kind of go overboard with decorating and really try to feel the spirit. There is no holding me back. However when it's over, it's OVER. Come mid-january at the latest, everything says bye-bye and gets tucked away into little plastic bins for a long nap until the following season.

So one of my real bad pet peeves is when people leave up decorations way past their expiration date. You know, big brown fucking wreaths still up for Valentines. Plastic snowman tipped over in the yard being pushed aside by the Spring flowers trying to pop up. Put your fucking shit away, goddammit. Milk sours after a period of time---holiday decor should do the same.

Now the first time I ever saw icicle lights was in New jersey on an old Victorian house. It looked absolutely amazing, like the house was literally dripping with light. I had never seen anything like it, and was actually kind of mesmerized by it. I thought, "Wow! Where did they get those lights?!" But like with so many things that get ruined once tossed into the stew of the mass public, suddenly they were everywhere ( kind of like pumpkin leaf bags, but that's another story) You couldn't NOT find icicle lights. You could buy them at the supermarket, for fucks sake. Once a good idea ends up in Wal-Mart, for half the price of everywhere else, you might as well bend over, spread 'em and get ready to receive it, as that good idea is now fucked. Everyone sold them, and therefore every dopey-ass shithead without any imagination went out and robotically bought them while they were buying some new Nascar pajamas for their youngin's. The most disgraceful part is the disregard with which they are now installed. No longer are they carefully placed as in New Jersey on that magical night many moons ago. Now they're crudely tossed up , hanging every-which-way, and left to dangle in the winter breeze like a set of saggy old testicles.

Which brings me to my point and my small piece of advice, which is this: DO THE WORLD AND SANTA A BIG FAVOR AND DON'T PUT UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS IS YOU ARE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO TAKE THEM DOWN BY AUGUST. And you know who you are. I don't know where you live, but it's like 95 degrees and as humid as my ass crack after 8 hours on a Greyhound without AC. It's AUGUST motherfuckers---can you take 15 minutes and take down your damn lights already?! What is the deal...how can people pass by that shit all season and edit it out from their line of vision? Is your life so busy in between watching that lesbian Oprah brainwashing people what to read and buying collectible crap you don't need on HSN that you can't finish what you started? I mean, at this point, it makes more sense to LEAVE them up, as your closer to the holidays than not---fuckers.