get lost, Camera Guy

"I hate you,Goyum"

...so I recently attended a wedding rehearsal - simple enough, take a few shots-- right? In/out everybody's happy.

Perhaps - but not when its overseen by the worlds nastiest Rabbi. This was a REHEARSAL - and while they were actually signing the Ketubah - making it therefore all legit so the groom to be could pork the bride later on and not feel guilty - it was held in the dining room of a country club. Not exactly the most sacred and holy of spots.

As the servers whiz by - trays full of pungent food held high overhead, he is suddenly distracted by a noisy child. He looks over his shoulder and says (I paraphrase) "If the kids are going to make that much noise then they---well---need to be removed."

REMOVED? I'm no fan of screaming kiddies, but what clergy member has kids taken OUT of a service. Someone remind me again why i don't attend church...

OK - so a bit later right before the signing, I sit at one of the chairs at the table - pretty normal behavior for me. Now this slob is sweaty - I mean 'have-to-keep-a-hankie-on-my-right-hand-to-swab-the-drips' sweaty. His tired little yamaka sliding down his moist, greasy scalp. He looks up at me and says, "Camera Guy--you cannot use flash during this ceremony. I shall tell you when you're able to use flash."

"OH, ok." I say to him turning of the flash. He then looks at me and waves his stumpy hand full of swollen fingers at me like there was a gnat flying around- to shoo me away! HE"S FUCKING SHOOING ME AWAY!

So i get up - blood boiling - and move away 3 tables.

The ceremony proceeds and at the end - his Frodo stand-in of a wife 'announces' to the room "You may now take flash photography if you wish" I sit motionless. "Fuck you." i'm thinking to myself.

"Where is the Camera Guy?" he says outloud. Uhhh - right over here RABBI GUY.

"I'm good, thanks---" I say regarding the photos I will now NOT take. What am I supposed to shoot? The service is over. People sitting around a badly decorated dining room table in a glorified mess hall? A shot of them all staring blankly up at me? If it would have not caused a fuss - or if I could have gotten him aside, I would have loved to ask "What exactly WAS I supposed to be photographing at that point?"

Sometimes it does not pay to leave the house