Good Morning Guys!
John and I are soo soo (2 'soo soo's' means my twat is REALLY soo soo wet, in case you were wondering) very excited that we have now squared away all our vendors and our "dream team" is now complete! I wanted to take this opportunity to make some formal intorductions ("intorductions"?....you dopey ass bitch---try spell check!!) and ask you both out for a drink/small bite to eat :)
(Sister - listen to me and listen to me good: if i'm wasting my Saturday to meet with you to go over stupid bullshit we can do over the phone - it had better be more than some fucking 'bites to eat'--I wanna see a fucking lobster crawling at me with the fear of God as well as a boiling pot of water in it's eyes...)
Jim "meet" Scott, Scott "meet" Jim.
(oh ---how fucking cute---now everybody knows everyones else..now we can all have a foursome!)
I wanted to ask you both if you'd be available on a Saturday/Sunday in July to meet each other and go over with us how the wedding day should go and to let you guys know final locations/addresses/contacts.
(Since I know it's the goddamn summer and nobody has any fucking thing else to do than hang out with us and discuss out fucking wedding day ad nauseaum. I mean---couldn't you simply talk about it all day over, and over, and over, and over--- isn't it the FUNNEST thing EVER?)
Jim ,I know you'd probably be taking the train into Grand Central and Scott I believe you said you're over in Queens so we're going to stay over on the east side. As you both know John is a pastry chef and works on Saturdays/Sundays so we'll meet at his restaurant most likely around 2:30pm on a Saturday or Sunday that works for you both.
(Isn't that timing perfect? And honestly- what could EITHER of you have to do other than meet us on a Saturday and swab my dripping wedding-agitated-pussy with napkins at my fiancees restaurant?)
(He just want to make sure, are we meeting at the restaurant or should I be looking for another place for us to all meet? I know you can't be away from the kitchen for too long. Let us all know by replying to all of us)
(yeah you know - how about we skip this fucking charade and I see you the wedding day, you wacky bitch?)
Can you please let us know what your availability is the next couple of Saturdays/Sundays in July? Thanks so much!
(Hmmm ? Lets see---summertime--- maybe I want to spend it at home with my wife or girlfriend? Or go to dinner...or a movie? Or simply lie on the sofa with my hand scratching my ball sack---No, actually...I'd rather come to YOU on a fucking weekend and waste the entire day at your dickhead fiancees pastry shop, you inconsiderate cunt)
Jim, we'd also like to schedule our engagement pictures last two weeks in July, Mon/Tuesdays work for us, just let us know if you have time to do it then.
Thanks a million guys. Can't wait to hear from you! :) So excited to get this party started :)
(Oh yes Susan - we and all your vendors are on the edge of our seats for what is bound to be the Event Of The Season. We are certain that it will be anything unlike the 30 other muthafucking similar weddings we shall attend this coming year. Gosh your's will be so unique---so different...we can all hardly stop pissing out panties with excitement. Why AS A MATTER OF FACT---I think I may have just cum in my pants)
Susan
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