awhile back I'm talking with a rather wound-up bride and we're going over her shot list. No big deal, since she was pretty cool about it. But then she says, "And don't forget the Wagoneers.""Excuse me." I say.
"The Wagoneers!" she repeats with delight, eyes widening with anticipation.
what the fuck is a wagoneer?
She continues, "You know, the infants that are being pulled down the aisle in the decorated red wagon!!!"
"I was not aware of that." I add, wondering exactly what this debacle will look like.
What a great idea, lets put infants too small to even walk in a wedding. OH! BETTER YET!!! Lets scare the living shit out of them and yank them all around creation in a wagon decorated with bad polyester lace and bangles I bought in the wedding section of Michael Arts and Crafts! Nothing says 'classic wedding' like cheap, fucking lace crap hot glued to a rolling cart. Maybe the toddlers were hot glued in as well to keep them in place, or from running right to Child Protective Services.
So a few hours later out come the kids, sitting back to back in their lacey rolling monstrosity, looking absolutely bewildered and terrified. The obligatory 'ooohs!' and 'aahhhsss! come from the crowd as they snap away with their plastic Rite-Aid cameras.
These kids are fucked forever now. Do everyone a favor, and unless the child can personally express their desire to participate, just ;leave them at home where they really want to be.
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